Terminator: Genisys (2015)

The Terminator films have all been products of their time. Terminator: Genisys is no exception.

Terminator: Genisys is a 2015 sci-fi/action film directed by Alan Taylor and starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Emilia Clarke, and Jai Courtney.

Terminator: Genisys moves away from the post-Cold War nuclear paranoia that permeated the first two films and expands on a notion first explored in Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines – that the very technology we are becoming so reliant on will one day be our downfall. In Terminator 3 this was the internet (there ended up being no 'system core' to blow up - Skynet used the internet to infiltrate every computer on the planet).

Fast-forward to 2015 and they've updated this plot point to be that Skynet will take over 'the cloud' (ie our tablets and smart phones) when Cyberdyne Systems launches Genisys - a new platform that will link everybody's devices. There's even a handy 'countdown' clock to the Genisys launch to inject some tension into the film. Somebody studied their Film-making 101.

The first two Terminator films are brilliant. In my mind, they are near-perfect examples of action-cinema. Terminator 3 had its flaws, but it more than made up for them with exciting and brilliantly-executed action sequences, solid performances, and a poignant and memorable ending.

Terminator: Genisys is also not without problems, but overall it’s a pretty solid film. What I like most is that it’s not a ‘reboot’. I think they realised after the staggeringly poor box office returns for Terminator: Salvation, that a reboot was a colossal mistake. So what we get here is a weird sort of sequel/alternate reality type thing where we see a couple of key scenes from the first film recreated shot-for-shot, but with a typically Terminator-esque mind-bendingly convoluted twist: because that future/past/whatever has already happened, both Skynet and John Connor know how it plays/played out and so both have attempted to subvert it for their own advantage.

What I disliked was that this film tries to eliminate one of the very best aspects of the first three films (particularly the idea set up in Terminator 3) that "Judgement Day" is inevitable. This slightly depressing idea made the ending of Terminator 3 so damned awesome. The numbing realisation that dawns on John Connor and Clare Danes as they find themselves trapped in the underground bunker: the world is doomed to end in nuclear annihilation no matter what they do to try and stop Skynet. It is what they do after the holocaust that is important.

And for the sake of an understandable storyline this film also does away with the notion that Skynet is something intangible. That humankind never really got the chance to figure out how Skynet had subverted machines to its evil influence before they were thrust into a fight for their very survival, and investigating what happened was rendered pointless (think back to Kyle explaining the future to Sarah in the first film). In this film Skynet is again something that can be ‘blown up’ as long as you can get your hands on enough TNT. This makes for a solid action film but it makes this film, and to a lesser extent Terminator 3 and even Terminator 2, far less thought-provoking than James Cameron’s original masterpiece, which remains the best of these films.

Another thing I disliked was that this film retrofits Kyle Reese (played in the original Terminator by Michael Biehn) into a cookie-cutter, muscled up action hero. Don’t get me wrong, Jai Courtney is fine in the role, but why is it that every action leading man these days needs to be a steroided-up, gym-sculpted beefcake? The fact that Michael Biehn was an ordinary-looking, human (read: fallible and vulnerable) man gave the first film the desperate, urgent quality that made it so great. He seemed so powerless against the relentless hostility of the Terminator stalking Sarah Connor. It gave their flight a gravity and urgency that transcended the genre and made the first film so memorable. It also made his climactic fight with the Terminator, and ultimate sacrifice, so heart-breaking. He knew he didn't stand a chance against it, but he took it on anyway to protect Sarah Connor.

This film doesn’t really bother with having Kyle Reese or Sarah Connor actually fight the evil Terminators. A lot of the fighting is Arnie fighting a younger, CGI version of himself. And while Arnie is no stranger to staring himself down (see The Sixth Day), I would have preferred some more human vs Terminator action. Of course there’s the requisite ‘other Terminator’ thrown into the mix for good measure (a Terminator 2-esque shape-shifting Terminator), and another villain, which brings me to the major thing I disliked about this film...

They make John Connor a bad guy.

Yeah, they try and inject some kind of anti-hero bullshit into it, but they basically turn a complicated, mysterious, super-cool figure from the other films into a total freakin douchebag.

They introduce a silly plot line about John Connor being infiltrated by Skynet and turned into a new kind of Terminator (some convoluted nonsense about infiltrating him on a 'genetic' level) and as such he kind of becomes a villain who doesn't think of himself as villainous because he believes what he's doing is right. Whatever. It veers dangerously towards the 'robot-that-doesn't-realise-he's-a-robot' crap from Terminator: Salvation. It didn't work in that film, and it doesn't work here.

There’s really not much to say about Arnie’s performance – he’s basically the same heroic-evil-robot-turned-heroic-saviour-robot that he was in Terminator 2 and 3. In fact he said in numerous interviews that the role was a piece of cake for him. The characterisation veers pretty hard into self-referential eye-rolling absurdity a few times with his “I am old, not obsolete” dialogue, and I giggled a couple of times when the big lug tries to get his emotion on, but after so much awesomeness contributed to cinema over the years I can forgive Arnie just about anything.

I also laughed at another bit. In the lead up to this film’s release I’d been wondering how they would explain the fact that Arnold Schwarzenegger is 30 years older than when he first appeared in the Terminator. They pretty much palm this off with a silly explanation that although the robot endoskeleton is metal, the flesh on top is real and thus, ages normally. Okay. But wouldn't this then open up a monumental plot hole across the entire franchise – that nothing ‘real’ can survive the time travel process? Wouldn’t this mean that all that ‘real’ flesh would be burned away and the Terminators would arrive in our time, sans-Arnie-shell? Ah, whatever. What I’m more eager and still waiting for is an explanation as to why an American designed and built evil supercomputer decided to make its Terminators speak with thick Eastern European accents.

Anyway. A welcome addition to the franchise for me is Emilia Clarke as Sarah Connor. I’d only seen her in Game of Thrones where all she really had to do was look pretty and recite dramatic dialogue. Terminator: Genisys gives her a chance to flex her acting muscles a bit, and she does so surprisingly well. She has the physique to pull off the action scenes, and the acting skill to inject some pathos into what could have been laughable scenes where she has to get emotional about the thought of losing a robot. Maybe I was blinded by the fact that she’s one of the hottest women on the face of the planet. That certainly didn’t hurt my appreciation of her performance.

As much as I enjoyed this film far more than I thought I would, I can’t say I’m overly keen for another installment (this film, predictably, ends with a ‘sequel-possible’ post-credits teaser). Honestly, Arnie can hit the gym as much as he wants, he’s pushing 70 so I don’t know how much more ass-kicking mayhem he has in him (although Stallone is still churning out Rocky films so who knows). Terminator: Genisys is a welcome return to form after the ambitious misfire that was Terminator: Salvation, but it might be time to let the franchise retire gracefully with an "Hasta la Vista, baby". (Come on, I had to go there...)

Jupiter Ascending (2015)

Trying to follow the plot of this film is like walking into a movie halfway through and trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

Jupiter Ascending is a 2015 sci fi film directed by the Wachowskis and starring Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum and Eddie Redmayne.

The story of Jupiter Ascending is so hard to follow I actually literally checked the display a few times to make sure I hadn’t accidentally skipped a chapter. Even the exposition-heavy voiceover fails to make the plot any less incomprehensible. And I use the term ‘plot’ pretty loosely. It was directed by the Wachowski brothers, who are now (through the miracle of modern medicine) the Wachowski brother and sister. But this film is kind of what I imagine the Matrix might have been if someone like Michael Bay had directed it. A toxic overdose of style that masks any trace of substance that might have tried to waft on through. Obscene amounts of money spent on CGI effects with a ludicrous story shoehorned in between action scenes. And that action tries valiantly to mask plot holes so massive you could jump through them without touching the sides.

Take the first action sequence with the main actors, Mila Kunis, playing the heroine, Jupiter Jones (a character name that would make Stan Lee smirk with amusement) and Channing Tatum. He’s the loyal hero (his name, Caine Wise, sounds like a brand of dog food). Anyway he’s tasked with protecting her from the bad guys. They are outnumbered and outgunned, so naturally you’d think they’d opt for low-key (think Kyle Reese and Sarah Connor), but what does he do? He activates his gravity-defying rocket boots, scoops her up into his arms like Superman, and launches out of a high-rise building high above Chicago. Naturally this alerts every bad guy within a six mile radius so we get some ridiculous action scene with people jetting around skyscrapers and ping pinging lasers at each other. Why not just walk downstairs and hail a cab?

Another scene that is miraculous in its stupidity is when the bad guys try to kill Caine by jettisoning him into space. Only they launch him out into space with a whole bunch of inflatable oxygen suits. What the holy fuck? That's like trying to drown a guy by dropping him into the ocean with a scuba tank.

Of course Channing Tatum spends half the film with his shirt off. I suppose when a producer pays to have an actor spend four months in the gym before filming they expect some return on investment from the ‘squealing teenage girl’ demographic. I don’t mind me a bit of hunky man flesh, but only when it’s attached to a halfway decent actor. Take Jason Statham. He could spend every movie wearing nothing but a rhinestone-encrusted jock strap and it’d be fine, because he’s fun to watch. Channing Tatum has all the charisma of a damp sponge. Plus there’s his make-up. He looks like Mr Tumnus from The Chronicles of Narnia on steroids:

Another nonsensical plot point is when Titus (Douglas Booth) asks Jupiter to marry him (I'd explain why, but my brain might implode). When she gets cold feet he tells her not to think of it as a marriage in human terms, but rather like a mutually-beneficial ‘contract’. Fair enough. So then why give her a giant fucking engagement ring? If you want her to think of it as a contract, oh I don’t know, maybe just get her to sign a piece of paper?

While we're talking about the plot, the big reveal halfway through is that humankind is being ‘harvested’ to create some sort of anti-ageing wonder drug for the ruling classes of the universe. Unlike a similar reveal in The Matrix, which came as a shocking and disturbing twist, the reveal here has no weight whatsoever. It’s all a bit ‘so…what else has been happening?’

If it’s not the plot that’s annoying, the dialogue is not much better.  It consists of gems like this exchange between Channing Tumnus and Jupiter:

Caine: "I'm more dog than man."
Jupiter: "I like dogs."

Just about the only thing in the film that’s not annoying is the villain, Balem Abrasax (okay so the name sucks) played by Eddie Redmayne. Redmayne mostly whispers his lines in a sort of snake-like way for most of the movie, and that’s entertaining in its own right, but he then occasionally launches into this weird, breathless screaming. This sounds annoying but trust me, his bonkers performance pole-vaults so far over the top that it actually manages to transcend the shittiness and becomes its own gleeful diversion. It’s far and away the best performance (which admittedly isn’t a difficult feat) because he’s the only one that seems to realise he’s in a preposterous film. He actually seems to be having fun with it, whereas everyone else has a bad case of Serious Face.

Regular readers of this blog will know how much I hate lazy exposition, but bizarrely in the case of Jupiter Ascending I actually didn’t mind because without it I had no fucking idea what the hell was happening. I was actually relieved by the predictableness (yeah yeah I know that’s not a word) of the characters pausing after every action scene to explain what just happened. They spend half the film explaining who certain characters are, where and what the place is, and how certain things in this universe work etc (like princess-smelling bees?? Jerry Maguire-kid didn’t include that one when he taught me that bees and dogs can smell fear).

Don’t get me wrong though, even with half the script devoted entirely to exposition the film is still unbelievably baffling. With a better film I’d suggest that this could be alleviated by making it longer, but in this case, I’m more than happy to leave shit unexplained. I don’t think I could take a director’s cut, I’d probably end up hanging myself.

The Wachowskis have a lot of talent, but if the result of them being given a massive budget and free reign results in crap like this I’d prefer they have their ideas vetted more. That said, the ideas themselves are quite brilliant, they just fall short in the execution. For instance the film is blatantly anti-capitalist but this theme is conveyed so ham-fistedly (villains incessantly yabbering on about the virtues of capitalism) it comes off as almost farcical. The movie also takes the very Philip K Dick-esque idea of ‘time as a precious resource’ but then gives that idea all the depth of a wading pool. It’s a watered-down mimosa to Bladerunner’s shot of rye with a beer chaser.

All the shittiness aside, I actually liked the film's conclusion, even though it was amazing that I was actually still paying attention at this point. The idea offered up is that, flying in the face of all the characters’ repeated assertions throughout the film, there is indeed something more precious than time. If you can’t guess what that is, I guess you'll just have to endure the film.

The Adventures of Tintin (2011)

I swear by now Andy Serkis has just permanently glued motion capture dots to his face.

The Adventures of Tintin is a 2011 animated film directed by Peter Jackson and Steven Spielberg and starring Jamie Bell, Andy Serkis and Daniel Craig.

That this film is enjoyable and exciting from start to finish is a great example of what happens when an adaptation is made by film makers who are dedicated fans of the original work. That this film received such an abundance of negative criticism upon its release is what happens when that film is then watched by people who are idiots.

When I first read about the Spielberg adaptation of Tintin it was planned as a live action film. I immediately recalled the abysmal live action film from the 80’s. Enough said.

But after I heard that Peter Jackson had become involved, with the full weight of Weta Workshop behind him, and that the film was to be CGI-motion-capture, I became excited. Jackson was the perfect film maker for this – his Lord of the Rings adaptation proved he is skilled at both keeping loyal fans happy, and bringing in new ones.

And unlike Tolkien’s wordy, old-English, Anglo-mythology (which must have been extremely challenging to adapt visually), Herge’s visual style of drawing would have essentially constituted a ready-made storyboard.

One of my favourite scenes is early on – where Snowy chases the kidnapped Tintin (Jamie Bell) across town. It’s a great example of the freedom a pure CGI film allows – the camera ducks and weaves through traffic, passes through gaps far too narrow for any human cameraman to pass through, and races along behind Snowy as he leaps over cars, people, and fences. It’s an amazing piece of action.

While the film is mostly an adaptation of The Secret of the Unicorn and Red Rackham’s Treasure, it also takes sections from The Crab with the Golden Claws, which was necessary to do justice to introducing the character of Captain Haddock (Andy Serkis).

My other favourite scenes are the ‘flashbacks’ Haddock has to his ancestor doing battle with the pirate Red Rackham. The high seas confrontation is the best tall ship battle I’ve ever seen put to film. It’s fantastic in every sense of the word.

One departure from the books I thought was really necessary was the decision to not have Snowy vocalise his thoughts the way he does in the books. In the film he is a real dog, but the way he’s written it’s obvious what he’s thinking anyway.

The film manages to seamlessly mix comedy and action. The comedy is both dry and slapstick, and the action ranges from light hearted (the pickpocket scenes) to way over the top, but it never strays into absurdity. It’s like a CGI version of the set pieces from an Indiana Jones film.

The set pieces themselves are just incredible. The highlight for me is the scene where Tintin and Haddock (and Snowy of course) escape the freight ship in a small rowboat and then end up in the biplane. It’s a perfect example of what I was just saying – comedy and action seamlessly mixed. From Haddock drunkenly setting the boat on fire to Tintin bringing the plane down with a well aimed shot, and their subsequent hijack of the plane and flight through the storm, to the final tense/comedic bit where Tintin is almost pulled into the propeller but saved by a desperate Snowy, the whole scene is magnificently executed. Motion capture has come a long way and the animators here should be very proud of their work indeed.

And unlike some of Peter Jackson’s longer adventures, the intrigue and exposition between the action set pieces never drags (I’m thinking of the sleep-inducing Merry and Pippin/Treebeard sequences from Lord of the Rings).

Most of the character voice acting is spot on, with the exception of Daniel Craig. I really like him as an actor, he has screen presence up the yin yang but here his voice is just too recognisable or something. You immediately picture James Bond’s voice coming out of a middle aged guy with a cane. It just doesn’t work.

But that’s a small gripe in what is otherwise one of the best animated films I’ve ever seen. Peter Jackson and Steven Spielberg have awesome jobs – they get unlimited funds to basically play with toys on a massive scale. I certainly hope that despite the negative criticism they do decide to team up again and that there’s more Adventures of Tintin on the way. Two hours well spent.