Noah is a 2014 film directed by Darren Aranofsky and starring Russell “I’m finally in an epic not directed by Ridley Scott” Crowe, Jennifer Connelly, Ray Winstone and Anthony Hopkins.
Darren Aranofsky is one of those directors critics fall over themselves to praise. It’s like they’ll lose their status as ‘important’ if they fail to use words like ‘artist’, and ‘visionary’ when describing his films. Ever since his debut, Requiem for a Dream (which is a terrible film) he’s become one of those directors that can do no wrong. Every film he makes is ‘bold’, ‘unconventional’, or in some cases yes even a ‘masterpiece’. But aside from The Wrestler, which has some merit (and coincidentally is considered his most ‘conventional’ film), his movies are fucking awful. Requiem for a Dream is not a savagely realistic portrayal of drug use and its consequences. It’s a pretentious director’s view of drug use and its consequences. Likewise, Noah is not thought-provoking. It’s a confusing mess of bad acting and clichés masquerading as a film featuring great acting and unexpected twists.
I did enjoy Russell Crowe’s performance. He spends most of the film going increasingly insane, and I always enjoy an actor that can pull this off. He plays Noah like a delusional zealot, utterly convinced his ‘Creator’ has entrusted him with this vital mission to save the innocent creatures of the Earth from a cataclysmic flood. In fact I would have enjoyed the film far more if it had of all been in his head, with him building this giant ark only to have no animals show up and no flood and then just descend into complete insanity. It would have been far more enjoyable.
As it is, the film is played deadly serious by all concerned and it ends up being fairly unbearable, clocking in at close to two and a half hours. I often refer to films as the cinematic equivalent of migraine headaches (pretty much any Baz Luhrman film). Noah is more like the cinematic equivalent of constipation. It’s uncomfortable, even painful at times, but you know that eventually, inevitably, it will come to an end.
And for a film about saving all the animals on the planet, it’s odd that the animals are pretty much an afterthought. There’s only really two scenes featuring them – the first showing all the birds arriving at the ark, the second all the land animals. But once they’re on board, Noah and his wife put them to sleep with some sedating herbal concoction and they’re never heard from again.
Besides Crowe, the performances are all pretty average. It’s like he’s the only one who realised he was in a bizarre film so adapted his performance accordingly. Jennifer Connelly, who I normally really enjoy, seems to spend half the film looking morose, the other half in hysterics. Her whole performance is just off. And Ray Winstone, another actor I really like, couldn’t be hammier if he were covered in a cherry glaze. But far from that making his performance enjoyable, he just comes off as irritating whenever he is on screen.
My biggest gripe though is simply that everything about the film is incredibly dull. The story is just as drab as the colour palette and the whole mess just drags on way too long. A pretty rotten way to spend two and half hours.
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